Apocalypse Not Now: A comedic Future
by Ek01
Summary: (Original story, written 2017) Bronwyn, a privileged, sheltered girl in the distant future, discovers that her perfect life isn't all that's cracked up to be when she finds the apocalyptic wasteland beyond her door.
1. Prologue

It is the year 2108. The nations of the world, after centuries of war, have put their differences aside and are now managed by one President of the Universe.

The economy is excellent, and new immigrants from different planets have been drawn to the amazing

wealth that is the earth.

Things have never looked better in the future.

Well, primarily better for this one nine-year old named Bronwyn Manchester, youngest heiress to the Manchester fortune in, well, forever.

Bronwyn had a great life.

She had a wonderful family, a

ginormous mansion, plenty of

friends, relatives, pets, and robotic

butlers.

One Saturday, the Manchester Residence was quickly being decked out in anticipation of visitors, for that day there came

about a few diplomats from New China and New Equatorial Africa.

Bronwyn did not know in the slightest that that particular Saturday would be her final normal Saturday...


	2. Future’s So Bright

When Bronwyn did awaken, the mansion was in complete disarray, crumbling at every corner.

Walls had been crunched to pieces, and rubble, as well as a few corpses and pieces of priceless

furniture were scattered wily-nily

throughout the enclosure.

Bronwyn opened her eyes.

She started to cry at what she saw.

Instead of the wonderful world her parents had told her about day

after day, lay a whole gigantic

mess of brown and gray machine hunks.

The sky, covered in sickly green clouds looked miserable as well, if it were sentient. Pipes dripped disgusting black liquid that

burned all that it touched, and the only native animals were cockroaches, rats, and other disgusting things. Bronwyn thought there was no business fretting over that miserable garbage hunk, so she stood up, and started to walk on.

As she walked, she came upon a large city. Tesla, it was called, based on the run-down welcome sign outside.

The city of Tesla was an

extremely large metropolis that apparently had some kind of popularity; but alas it was now gone, some large, yet abandoned buildings still stood tall in the distance.

Former, worn-down advertisements of happy-faced people seemed to glare at Bronwyn, their blatant positivity seeming inappropriate, given the state of the town now.

How could some people like the dignitaries that came to her

mansion and the people depicted on the ads appear so positive and not know about the darkness that lies in the world?

Just then, she heard a noise. Instinctively she looked around,

trying to find the source.

It seemed as though there were others than just rats, like humans.

Bronwyn looked down at the ground as something rushed by, she could see a human footprint on a piece of metal.

Suddenly, a million robots emerged from the shadows. Bronwyn could tell that these were not like the butler robots she was so used to--

something seemed extremely off about them. Bronwyn tried to run away, but she couldn't. There were far too many of them.

Tall and extremely scary, these chromium robots stood before Bronwyn, instant tasers aimed at the poor girl. Their bright, red eyes did little to ensure Bronwyn's survival at this moment.

~~~"By order of the President Of the Universe,"~~ said a robot. ~~"YOU WILL SURRENDER!!"~~

Bronwyn could only stand in fear. The robots aimed their weapons at the child; her new dress ripped and stained, until...

(CLANG!)*

The lead robot fell to the ground. A brick lay next to it, along with a giant dent in its head. A figure skillfully landed on the ground, in the midst of Bronwyn.

This woman was tall and slender, yet also very muscular. She wore track shorts, a feathered helmet made from the skull of a large creature, with a cape, and a ripped tank top which didn't hide her abs.

Bandages wrapped her calloused feet, and she carried a scythe with an old rubber duck attached to the side.

The woman leapt into the air, and onto the robot, beheading it with both her legs.

She flipped over and used the robot's head to knock out another five at once. Then, she grabbed an old advertisement sign and slid through the crowds of more robots, gripping Bronwyn by the hand.

Bronwyn was overwhelmed by the sensation of practically flying through the city, and not getting harmed in any way while doing so (except a laser blasted off one of her pigtails).

Suddenly the woman leapt up over a two-story building, where at the very bottom on the other side, a very large yet inconspicuous trapdoor opened up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH'!!" Bronwyn screamed and refused to look at the ground, covering her eyes.

"WOOOOAH!!"

Bronwyn now gripped tightly to the female, the female slightly clinched at the girl's sharp, manicured digits. Around and around they went, surfing on a strange spiral leading into the earth.

Bronwyn opened her eyes. She found herself and the strange female in a pool of sparkling water. The female took her underneath some more, until they reached the top.

"WHO..." Bronwyn gasped, breathing for air. "THE HECK...ARE YOU?!"

"Oh, good. It can talk." Said the female. She took off her feathered skull helmet to reveal the face of a woman about 19 or 20 years old. "Hi, I'm Jay. Jay Rakshak."

"Bronwyn..." Bronwyn introduced and extended a sopping wet hand.

"Well, Bronwyn.." said Jay. "I have A LOT to show you!"

Jay swam out of the water. Bronwyn stayed, still touching her burnt pigtail, feeling absolutely horrified.

"Yo!" Said Jay. "You comin' or what?"

Bronwyn swam out of the water, following Jay through various man-made tunnels which seemed to warm her up.

Then, they came to a large, tall door. Jay pressed a bunch of buttons, opening up the door.


	3. I Gotta Wear Shades

Light flashed all around, and Bronwyn's jaw dropped. There seemed to be an entire fallout shelter on the inside; completely

carved out by machinery.

In one of the walls, next to a ginormous series of computers and

science equipment, there were multiple holes (they seemed to be made from explosions) with bedsheets and pillows inside, with ladders leading up to higher "bedrooms".

Bronwyn had a ginormous smile on

her face.

"So you've been here this whole time?"

"Well, not really." Replied Jay. "My family and I, we come up every now

and then--hey, come ere' and check out my bed!"

Jay lead Bronwyn over to a series of

ropes and wires creating a hammock on the very top of the

ceiling. The young woman climbed up with all the grace of a ballerina and the strength of a professional rock climber.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Jay leapt off the rope, doing a flip before sticking the landing. "I'm, like, the leader of this

organization we call..."

Jay pressed a button which unveiled a large, red tarp, with a

crudely-painted picture of one of

the robots that tried to kill Bronwyn. There was a circle surrounding it, with a line crossing it out.

"...LA RESISTANCE!!"

"So...what do you guys do, exactly?" Asked Bronwyn, ruining the dramatic moment.

"Well, first of all," said Jay, leaning over to drink a soda. "My fiancé and I, we find these kids from all across

the wasteland, separated from their moms and dads. We tell them they can redeem themselves by workin' for LA RESISTANCE and fight off the bad guys, like that Star Wars movie thingy, 300 years ago."

"Wow..." said Bronwyn.

"Yeah, I know." Replied Jay. "Let me introduce you to the wonderful kids of LA RESISTANCE!" She guided

Bronwyn over to a bedroom hole and hollered inside; "Hey, SAMMY! We bought someone!" Jay exclaims to a person inside a hole.

A little African-American boy peeks out.

"Do you mind, Jay?" He said. "I'm

getting so close to splitting cold fusion twice!"

"This is Sammy! He graduated college at age 10." Jay introduced. "Come on, say hi to Bronwyn!"

Sammy emerges again, extending a hand.

"How are you?" He asks. "I'm not one to brag, but I'm a

child prodigy."

"That's nice." Said Jay, "Now get back in there you little genius!" She

chuckled.

"So he's really smart?" Replied Bronwyn.

"Yep. My boyfriend taught him

everything about mechanics, you should'a seen that homemade atomic bomb--couldn't see for three days! Wait.." Jay seemed

a little more excited. "Oh, wait, there you are!"

Jay gestures to a young Asian girl with a metallic arm.

"This is Karen," Jay introduced.

"Hi!" The girl happily exclaimed"

How did you--" Bronwyn started, looking at her arm.

"I lost my arm in a car accident." She smiled. "I don't mind when people ask. My new arm is WAY cooler now!"

"There's someone else I have to show you.." Jay looked around. "I wonder if she's he--

"HI!" Exclaimed a young White-Latina girl. "IM' LEIA! Conspiracy enthusiast. Named after the hot one in Star Wars!"

Bronwyn and Jay flinched at her appearance and entrance.

"You're actually not.." Jay started.

"...And I'm THIS close to unhinging the ILLUMINATI!!"

The girl pinched her fingers at "this". Bronwyn looked side to side.

"...Didn't that already happen?"

"SO?!" The girl exclaimed. "THERE'S A PART TWOOOO!!! By the way I really prefer apple juice over orange juice, don't eeeever mix that up with urine, trust Bronwyn.

"Yeah, that's my boyfriend..." said Jay, gazing at the dog in awe.

Bronwyn started to laugh.

"Hey! Hey yuk it up all you want, he used to be a human scientist!" Exclaimed Jay.

"And a damn good lookin' one at that." Clay kissed Jay.

"Ooh, not like that part's gone.." said Jay, acting very flirty. "As soon as we find a church or somethin', we're tying the knot!"


	4. The Mission

"Alright," said Bronwyn. "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME EXACTLY WHY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T KNOW THAT ALL THIS BAD STUFF IS HAPPENING, AND

THAT IF HE DOES, THEN HE'S NOT DOIN' ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!!"

"Daaang!" Said Jay. "That's a mouthful for such a little girl--say, lets get you outta that dress and into something more comfortable!"

Jay pushed Bronwyn into a small room, slid in a few articles of clothing, and closed the door.

After a few moments, Bronwyn exited the "dressing room", clad in a black sports bra, beige shorts with multiple sets of pockets, and tennis shoes. On her head, she had some goggles.

"Not bad, not bad.." Jay moved

closer, and adjusted her hair to

where it looked like an awesome mohawk.

"Hey!" Said Bronwyn. "Why'd you mess up my hair?"

"I didn't mess it up--I improved it.." said Jay, a big smile on her face.

"Say, put those goggles on, and press the red button!"

Bronwyn did so, and was amazed.

The goggles analyzed everything from the temperature, heat, they even had an x-ray function and more!

"Wow!" Said Bronwyn. "Did Clay make these?"

"Yep!" Said Jay. "Made em' from a

plastic Coke bottle and a calculator!"

Bronwyn was amazed at how one man could make something so amazing.

"Hey, kid!" Clay walked over on all fours, holding a piece of paper in his mouth. "This was from my research, and I think you'll be glad

to know that this thing was corrupting the president."

——————-

The Shna'oz

(Scientific name: Tenues nigrum mortem)

The Shna'oz is a dangerous, parasitic Class 6 alien (read:

Extraterrestrial Classifications) from the unknown reaches of the galaxy. With its name taken from the Chinese words for brain eater, Shí nǎo zhě, it certainly lives up to its name.

Description:

The Shna'oz is a black alien with a lanky body, two heads (a third one makes up its tail) with bird-like beaks, inside are multiple series of

sharp teeth, one head has four eyeballs, another has two. Within its

two mouths, are two additional

head/tongues.

It has multiple latching tendrils that it uses to latch onto the human body and suck it's fluids. It needs a warm human host in order to survive, and it will utilize its many tentacles to grip and immobilize anyone or anything that gets closer.

Beware if you encounter this deadly beast--it's only weakness is light.

\--

Bronwyn closed the book. She

looked at her newfound cohorts.

"Well?" Asked Jay.

"...lets suit up." Replied Bronwyn.

End of part I


End file.
